With friends like these...

I was speaking with someone the other day about a friend of theirs. It turned out this friend wasn't really much of a friend at all. I will stop the details there as it is not my story to tell. But it reminded me of something I'd seen (probably on richard and judy - ssh don't tell anyone) or read about some time ago. It was this idea that the people in your life essentially fall into one of two categories; those that provide a positive energy source; and those that provide a negative energy source. Of course when put like that it appears ridiculously simplistic and also a little on the 'spiritual' side, all this talk of people as energy sources, we'll be onto the paranormal in a second...(maybe something interesting to write about soon in all seriousness - especially as someone who usually sits on the fence somewhat when asked what they 'believe in').

But when explored a little further perhaps it's anything but simplistic or spiritualistic 'mumbo jumbo'. Because when presented as 'positive people versus negative people' the obvious thought process is 'why would anyone choose to have negative people in their lives?' However it is most certainly not that simple. We all have these negative, draining people somewhere in our lives. It could be a friend, family member, romantic interest, work colleague etc. For example; the friend that does nothing but moan about life, where everything is a crisis and it's all about them; the volatile relationship where you spend more time attempting to patch things up in pursuit of that elusive happiness than you do actually feeling happy; the person who does nothing but criticise you and the choices you make; the person that's your best friend when no-one else is around but will quite happily use you as a scapegoat to impress other people when they have an audience...these are all completely generic examples. I suppose if I, or anyone else for that matter, was to list specific examples of people like this then the list could quite easily go on forever.

Now compare such people with those at the other end of the scale. Those people who are simply always smiling; the friend who always has time for you when you need them the most; the uplifting person who quite literally lights up the room when they're there; the relationship where arguments remain few and far between, even after the 'honeymoon period'; the friend who points out your faults and their doubts about your decisions for your own good, but ultimately supports what you decide to do.

Now of course it is a rather simplistic concept to suggest everyone is one or the other, as with most things in life it's probably more of a continuum. But I bet if you think of anyone you know, it's probably not a very difficult or time-consuming task to figure out which side of the dividing line you'd position them on.

As I've already said, everyone has these negative people in their lives, and some of them are relatively inescapable. Family members, people in your wider circle of friends, work/class mates...and just because someone is ultimately a somewhat negative, draining energy source, that doesn't mean they don't possess other extremely attractive qualities. People aren't 2 dimensional characters and I'm not suggesting we should take the people that tend to drag us down and burn them at the stake. Variety is the spice of life and besides, someone that I find a pain in the arse, who feels more like a weight than a friend, may be someone else's proverbial rock.

But I will say this, those people you choose to have very close to you - the friends you stay in touch with for years; the people you socialise with the most; the people that you are most willing to give your time and attention to - just think about what effect they have on you. Do they cheer you up, make you feel good about yourself and the world, do they make you laugh and smile? If, in relation to anyone you'd consider to be a particularly close and important person to you, the answer to the majority of those is no, then just consider why you persevere with the relationship so much. These people are always going to be in your life, but how big a part they play is ultimately up to you.